I haven´t ridden a school bus in a very long time. It´s different than riding in a cushy commercial bus. I have no childhood memories associated with soft seats and air conditioning the way I do with rickety, old, bumpy, dusty yellow buses with windows that you have to push down with both hands and chairs made of metal. I spent several nostalgic hours traveling on the bus in Costa Rica with Diana on Monday as we made our way to Liberia where we met up with my dear friend Emily to cross the border into Nicaragua. It was a long day of travel and too loud and uncomfortable for good conversation, so I was left with my thoughts and childhood memories to keep me company.
Do you know that the first time I ever even considered my body could even possibly have an excess of fat on it was in elementary school, sitting on the school bus, knees propped up against the seat in front of me, when the boy sitting next to me (Jeff Dalley, I even remember his name) grabbed the skin of my inner thigh and said, "Your legs are fat!"
You´re in idiot, was my first thought, but then his stop came and I was left there sitting in my insecuritites. I sat the rest of my ride home staring at my legs which now looked as volumptuous as Miss Piggy´s, and that began my life long obsession with trying to stay thin.
I can´t really get my knees up to rest on the seat in front of me the way I used to, (because my legs are too long, not too fat!), but I did notice as I was bouncing across Costa Rica that I´m quite satisfied with the size of my legs at this point in my life. It´s funny, though, how something so little from a boy I didn´t even care for could change my whole perspective on myself as a kid. With lots of therapy, I´ve gotten over it, and Jeff Dalley probably has absolutely no recollection of that conversation and no clue how it affected me. I´m really grateful that I don´t believe him anymore, but I´m even more grateful that I no longer have to take a dirty old school bus every day. If I end up moving to Costa Rica, I´ve gotta get a car.
3 comments:
Stupid boys! You know, people have been making fat comments to me my whole life... why is it that 1 comment gives you the dedication to be thin yet makes me break out the tub of ice cream?
I'm pretty sure Jeff new full well how that would affect you. He made plenty of those comments to me & alot of my life long insecurities started because of him. The couple times I have seen him over the past 15 years I have hid from him, just in case he is still as big a jerk as he was back then, I was too afraid he'd say something mean to me.
I am so sorry that my 3 beautiful girls had such insecure thoughts abt. themselves. Just remember that you are daughters of God and it's Him you're trying to please. Dad and I love you!!!! And neither of you 3 are fat, so forget abt. the comments.
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